Nerd Factor: You Might Really Be Dating a Robot

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Art by Nicole Freewalt

Dr. Mike Robinson ~ UL Communication Studies Professor

     Popular culture has taught us that robots may be our most loyal friends or our most terrifying foes. No matter what their motivations, from time to time, replicants and androids and synthezoids and whatever-oids feel compelled to hide their identities from us in order to move in human circles. This may cause romantic complications. Because the Nerd Factor cares deeply about your emotional well-being this Valentine’s Day, here are some tips to tell if you might really be dating a robot:

     If, during your most intimate moments with your partner, the sparks literally fly, then you might really be dating a robot. 

     If your soulmate is really into AC/DC, then you might just be dating a classic rock fan. If, however, your soulmate forces you to choose between AC or DC, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your true love thinks that Ultron was really misunderstood, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your boo provides a convenient Wi-Fi hotspot, even when they are not carrying their phone, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your sweetheart is fluent in over six million forms of communication, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your bae completes your sentences, that is kind of cute. If they complete your sentences because of predictive text, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your date is obsessed with finding John Connor, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your significant other cannot easily identify pictures of cars or traffic lights, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If there is some resistance from your partner about moving your relationship up to the next level, then you might be going through the kinds of challenges all relationships face. If that resistance is measured in ohms, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your sweetie idolizes the late Steve Jobs, then you might really be dating a robot. Or, somehow, you might really be dating the late Steve Jobs. 

     If your date questions or outright denies the historical validity of the massacre on Caprica, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your intended replies to any request with “Roger! Roger!”, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your dearest starts forgetting things while standing near magnets, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your Valentine is thoroughly and completely confused by a story where there is an overturned tortoise baking in the desert sun, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your significant other can do a really convincing impression of an old dial up tone, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your luv objects to watching BattleBots for moral reasons, then you might really be dating a robot.

     If your lover seeks your consent before you try new things together, then you have a conscientious partner. If that consent involves clicking a few boxes, accepting some cookies, and agreeing to download a program or two, then you might really be dating a robot.