Nerd Factor: You Might be Dating a Space Alien

Dr Mike Robinson~UL Communication Studies Professor

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Space aliens can be a tricky bunch. Whether they take over human forms, or just imitating them like shape-shifting Skrulls, whether they are secretly infiltrating our society to take control, or just covertly studying us for research purposes, space aliens are unlikely to be forthcoming in their personal lives.  Because the Nerd Factor cares deeply about your emotional well-being, here are some tips for telling if you might really be dating a space alien:

If an evening of romantic stargazing reminds your suitor to carefully plan a route for the trip home, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your intended is confused about your stance towards the desirability of and expectations about the rearing of human larval forms, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your sweetie asks, “What is love?” and then doesn’t get your joke about the Haddaway song and the neck bobbing from Saturday Night Live’s Roxbury guys skit, then you might be dating someone who just does not know enough popular culture.  If after you explain the joke your beloved then asks, in all seriousness, “But what is love?” then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your beloved remarks that once you have had a carbon-based life form there is no going back, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your Valentine compliments you on how you look particularly good under the ultraviolet or infrared frequencies of light, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your darling keeps adding the phrase “of the humans” to just about everything he or she mentions, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your boo is always thinking of you, then you might be dating a genuinely sweet person.  If your boo’s thoughts are directly transmitted into your own mind, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your blind date has an exceptionally large cranium and/or an exposed brain, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your love keeps comparing your arduous abilities to those of previous partners, then you are dating a complete jerk.  If those comparisons are made specifically to the love-making skills of Captain James T. Kirk, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your lover says the best way to your heart is a burrowing hatchling that gestated in your chest after an unfortunate encounter with a face-hugger, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If the anyone else that your bae is putting you before wears a lot of silver lame fabric jumpsuits and/or helmets with antennae on them, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your romantic interest wingman is a robot named Gort, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If your suitor’s idea of using protection involves force fields, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If you have had some bad experiences so you do a background check on your guy or gal, then you are just being careful.  If that background check turns up an X-File, then you might really be dating a space alien.

If you think the way that your paramour’s facial papillae gently stroke your cheeks when you kiss is sweet, then you might really be dating a space alien.