She Said: Talking Bodies

Sarah Irby, Editor in Chief~

You’re probably getting really tired of hearing me talk about the importance of communication, but I really can’t stress its significance enough, not only in everyday life, but in your relationships and sex life as well.

So often we strain our relationships or feel uncomfortable in our sexual experiences simply due to miscommunication. This is easily remedied by – you guessed it – talking. People have become so terrified of expressing their feelings or approaching someone face-to-face that we can’t accurately convey what we need to. So in the end, we settle for less than what we want.

No matter how difficult it may be, everyone needs to learn how to tell their partner what they can do for them, both physically and emotionally.

If you can’t tell your man or woman what you’re into, then I’m just going to assume you’re all having mediocre sex, and who wants that? Absolutely no one. Sex is the one occasion where vanilla isn’t so tasty.

I mean honestly, I’d rather be having no sex than bad sex. You absolutely cannot expect someone to know what you’re feeling or what you want to be feeling if you don’t let them in on the secret. Even if you’re self-conscious about what turns you on, I guarantee no one is going to judge you in the middle of getting hot and heavy. There’s no point in even “doing the do” if you’re not getting anything out of it. Why would you just lay there unsatisfied while the other person is content?

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Illustration by Genevieve Griffin

Speak up, make your needs known. And this goes for relationships of all kinds too. Whether you’re friends, in a committed relationship, or buddies of a certain type, you still need to know how to approach them. Communication is the key to success in all relationships; without it, there can’t be a real and satisfying connection. You’re kind of just existing in the same space as the other person, rather than learning to truly vibe with one another.

If your friend is doing something that’s hurting your feelings or if your boyfriend just isn’t giving it to you hard enough – the concept is still the same – shed some light on it so that they understand how their actions make you feel.

People tend to assume that couples who don’t fight are happier than other couples, but this isn’t always true. Arguing isn’t always the healthiest type of communication, but sometimes it is right for the situation. People who never quarrel probably aren’t talking much at all about things that need to be talked about. Sometimes all the feelings inside have to come out in this manner in order to get something across. A lover’s spat can often resolve issues and, ultimately, make your relationship stronger and healthier.

Expressing your feelings or concerns can be hard, but communication is a vital skill in our society and something that is valued in being a human being. It’s important to know how, when and in what manner to communicate, and that’s a skill we can all learn to better through practice.

This might sound cheesy and cliche, but you should never underestimate the power of words and what effects they can have on others, as well as yourself. So, as communication professor Dr. Jimmy Roux would say, “let’s communicate effectively out there.”