She Said: Falling for Trust
Sarah Irby ~ Assistant Editor
Trust is arguably the number one building block in all relationships.
Think about it; how much can you have with someone, how involved can you be, if you can’t trust them?
I’m probably not the best person to be writing this because I have some serious (albeit justified) trust issues. However, it is a crucial topic when it comes to relationships and sex, and I feel like a number of you can empathize with me and my experiences.
Most of us have had our hearts broken in the past, and that definitely leaves a scar. But one important thing to keep in mind is that your new partner is not who hurt you before. He or she deserves a fair chance, and as Jesse McCartney said, he’s “not your enemy” (this song should be every nice guy’s anthem by the way).
Throughout high school and into college, I was in a relationship with my best friend. I loved him to death, but we constantly fought. We were just too alike, sometimes.
Not only that, but he went behind my back, on many occasions, throughout our five-year relationship. Some instances I know for a fact, while others have remained rumors that he still denies.
Who knows what and who to believe, right?
Despite his infidelities, I always forgave him (even though I shouldn’t have).
Yes, I believe in second chances, but not tenth chances.
Our whole relationship became a vicious cycle, which was both of our faults. We loved each other, but knew we didn’t belong together.
However, we were so young when we started dating, and we had been together for so long that we didn’t know how to get away from each other.
“We” were what we both knew and were comfortable with, so naturally we always came running back to one another, even after we took breaks and dated other people. It never ended well.
It’s hard to give someone up when you’ve literally grown with them from an awkward 11-year-old to a somewhat capable 20-year-old, but we were toxic.
When I transferred to Lynchburg College my sophomore year, he decided that he didn’t see me in his future anymore, but another girl was.
I spent a lot of time being sad and bitter toward her, but in reality she wouldn’t have been able to “steal” him from me if he didn’t want to be stolen.
So maybe the lesson is that if we’re going to be upset, we should be upset with the person who left us rather than the new girl (or guy). After all, she didn’t have any commitment to uphold—she was just following what she wanted.
The point is that this new relationship broke the cycle for us, and for that I’ve learned to be grateful, because I’m so much happier and healthier now (and substantially less of a “B” word). Of course, he’ll always have a special place in my heart, but we’re much better as semi-friends.
Ever since our relationship ended I’ve had a terrible time trusting people. As a result, I’ve refrained from getting too emotionally close to anyone I’ve been involved with since.
I know, I’ve said on multiple occasions that I love being single, and that has always been the truth. However, sometimes people come into your life unexpectedly, and you find yourself trying to learn to trust again.
It’s difficult, no doubt, especially when there are people out there who don’t want to see you happy; there are always going to be those who thrive on high-school drama, even once they’re “adults.”
One thing I’ve learned is that you should always give someone the benefit of the doubt. Trust someone until they have given you a reason not to. I know this is hard, and if you’re really invested in someone, you could sit there imagining every possible scenario and worry your head off.
Trust is something that two people have to work to build. You might feel the need to monitor your partner to see what they’re up to, but this is an unhealthy behavior that will likely only drive them away from you.
Trust grows gradually, and you have to be patient and believe that he or she will be honest with you. You are not in a trustworthy relationship if you have to constantly wonder if your significant other is cheating.
Trust is something that we naturally struggle with. We are often betrayed by those who see no problem in being deceptive. It’s difficult to believe that there are people out there who can be trusted, but it’s true. One day you will find someone who is everything you ever wanted in a friend, or a partner, and you will learn to trust again.
There are still some shady people, so remember just because Stacy from around the block said she heard your man was doing so-and-so, it doesn’t mean she’s telling the truth.
You must learn who and what to put your trust in.